his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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