were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
