the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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