u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
