After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
