ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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