So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
