Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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