The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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