When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
