And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
