I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
