Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
