Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
