Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
