you win again, gameday.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
