apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
