Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
