Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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