man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize