I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
