Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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