i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i drank out of a bidet.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
