so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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