I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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