at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm getting married
To pizza
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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