He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
