You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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