Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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