Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
