apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
