just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you would pick up someone in the library
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
