everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize