I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
