i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
