I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
