Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
