are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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