i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
