he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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