my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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