ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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