i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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