I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
