legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
