She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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