so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it because I queefed?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Randomize
