you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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