I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
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Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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