and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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