if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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