Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
