my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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