remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
