i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
