I heard we made out
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my being single is dangerous.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
