insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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