I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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