Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
