i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
