On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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