She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize