After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
